The Truth and Facts About Dating Single Parents: Priorities, Challenges x 10 Essential Tips (With Pat H.)

Dating a single parent can feel like stepping into a world with invisible rules, until you realize the rules are just real life: kids, custody, work, and a limited amount of time. I’m joined by Pat Hankin, co-author of Field Guide for Single Parents, whose insights come from years of data and patterns gathered from a massive single parent community. We get honest about what makes dating a single mom or single dad different, and what “support” should actually look like when you’re not trying to become the savior of someone’s family system.

We talk through the practical problems that derail promising connections,  and how to make dating work. We also dig into online dating safety and why some single mothers avoid dating. 

If you’re considering a relationship with a single parent, you’ll leave with clearer boundaries, better questions to ask, and a calmer way to judge what’s actually a red flag versus normal parenting logistics. 

📕The Field Guide for Single Parents by Pat Hankin

📘The Book of Beautiful Questions by Warren Berger

Transcript

Welcome To The Dating Chit

Host Tea 0:01

Hey you! Welcome to the Dating Chit, a space designed to help you move beyond assumptions and guesswork so you can date and love with clarity and confidence. I'm your host, Tea. Today, we're talking about dating dynamic that a lot of people encounter, but not many people fully understand dating a single parent. I'm sure some of you have dated or are currently dating a single parent. Data shows 30% of online daters are single parents. For single parents, dating can come with a whole different set of considerations. Time, emotional boundaries, priorities, and sometimes even guilt about balancing their own happiness with their children's well-being. So today, we're going to unpack this topic with Pat Hanking, co-author of the Field Guide for Single Parents. Her work is based on extensive data through a Reddit community she built. And the book explores the real life challenges single parents face, including what happens when they step back into the dating world. And that's what we're talking about in this conversation. Before we get into today's episode, I have a quick reminder. This podcast is for everyone, especially for those navigating dating and relationship dynamics. Whether you're single or in a relationship, we're here to give you more clarity and wisdom so you can date and love smarter. Now, let's dive in. Hi Pat. Hi, Tea, how are you? I'm doing great. How's it going? It's great. It's great. What about you? Awesome. It's a great day to have a conversation with you. And thanks for joining me today. Thank you for inviting me. I appreciate it. I've been really looking forward to talk to you about this whole research you've been working on about single parenting and single parents. Anything you want to know? Yeah. I'd like to start with just for you to talk about the realities about single parents, what they're facing, and of course, in relation to their dating life.

Speaker 2 2:07

There are ways, obviously, people do it all the time. There are ways to successfully manage around the challenges. And there are certain mindsets that are important to have and to realize. And I think you have a very good outlook on it. It was challenging. And you want to you want to be helpful, but there are boundaries. And particularly if you are a person who's active and you like to solve problems and you want to get in the mix. We've talked about in this community that I managed for a long time was what were those boundaries and when did they start to kind of flat fall away? And when, you know, the timing on those kind of things. So we can talk about what it's like to date a single parent, and then we can talk about what it's like to be a single parent.

Single Parent Reality And Time Crunch

Host Tea 2:56

Yeah. How about let's start off just talking about what are the realities that single parents are facing today? And also what are their dating mindset, what's going on with their dating life. Right.

Speaker 2 3:09

So there's at least 19 million parent households that are headed by a single parent, unpartnered, not living with anyone or anything. And I say at least because that number by the U.S. Census Bureau counts only one adult in a family group. If you have joint custody, shared custody, or any other form of that, it's only counting one of you. The US counts, census counts 20%, but it could be as high as 35 or 40 percent.

Host Tea 3:39

According to the book you wrote, right, and you pointed out a data which is pretty surprising to me.

Speaker 2 3:46

There's just a a a large number, between 19 and 35 million single parents that are that are, you know, managing, you know, kid custody as well as jobs, because 80 percent of single parents are in the workforce. They have a very high workforce participation rate. That's what we call in in economics. So you're dealing with somebody who's got a lot of balls in the air and and that they're juggling. So for a single parent looking to date, the there are certain very common issues that we talked about in terms of the way to go around that. And the biggest one, of course, is time and being able to find the time because if you're not at work, then you're at home with them. And then if you haven't had time with them, then you want to spend the time with them. How do you look up for yourself and your own social life with that? And the advice that came out with that was that you know, look for unusual times. It for instance, uh, the people recommended lunch. Yeah, yeah, you recommend being able to have a lunch date. In fact, there used to be a dating service here in Boston that was called lunch dates. I never know what happened to them, but obviously a lot of people have this problem that they had all dating service, people meet. But that was not pointing to single parents, right? No, but they can use it too. With 19 to 35 million people, it's pretty hard to generalize everyone's situation. Everyone's got, you know, different family makeup, different arrangements with the former, you know, the uh former spouse. It's generally you try and find pick out universal themes that seem to work for everyone. And that is, you know, when your kids are in school, that you know, you got the child care thing covered, so you're not shelling out for child care while you're trying to go on a date. So that that very much was very common and seemed to be a helpful recommendation for the uh for that concern. The the other one's your unpredictable schedule. And I I've dated single parents. You know, you think you got a date coming up, and the next thing that happens is the other parent who supposedly has custody calls says, I can't do it anyway, and you're your your whole date got blown out and you've made all these arrangements to go on a date with them. So you have to embrace the chaos of that. And when you're dating single people and when you're trying to manage your schedule and you are a single parent dating, even if you only have one nice dinner date, that can fuel you for a long time. So if someone else, you know, just doesn't make it or you have to cancel the date, you had a nice dinner. You know, it was worthwhile.

Host Tea 6:31

You mean for single parents. You are talking about the single parents that should be making effort of uh doing something every week to improve their dating life.

Speaker 2 6:41

Well, it might be every month.

Host Tea 6:43

Because it's really telling you to find time. It it is. I don't think anybody will be dating them if they just, you know, go out once a month with them. We're talking about meeting people.

Speaker 2 6:54

And uh the ability to stay online and talk to someone for a while and get to know them, you know, it's just virtually, is is a big benefit for this segment because you can, you know, you're not rushing into anything.

Why Slow Dating Protects Everyone

Speaker 2 7:10

If there's any general advice for either people who are single parents wanting to date or people who find themselves attracted to and wanting to date a single parent, is that things have to move slowly for a lot of reasons. One is the the the schedules that we were talking about. The other thing is not being able to rush into something too quickly and to take it slow and to get to know people is the benefit here for for everyone, which it should be. It's kind of like the old days of courting. It's like when people used to court.

Host Tea 7:42

So why is that a particular for single parents in in terms of when they're dating?

Speaker 2 7:48

Well, some single parents are uh gun shy. They, you know, had a rough go of it the last time around, and they probably want to get to know a person before that. The other issue around that is people aren't always as they present themselves. So getting to know them gets you below the surface to understand if if this is somebody that you want to invest your very precious time with.

Host Tea 8:14

So in your book, chapter 25, when you talk about romance, you mention that for single parents, dating and relationships often take a back seat.

Speaker 2 8:25

Around there are some people that jump right into it and are very actively looking to date once they break up with their partner. I can see that's not ideal situation. It tends to be the younger group and the older group will call them out and say, Whoa, whoa, man, you gotta you gotta hold on.

Speaker 1 8:43

Yeah.

Host Tea 8:43

You gotta work on yourself first. Yes, I was seeing those people, they don't take time. They just wanna find the person right away and you know, and you are hurting in other people. Well, the bigger problem is their kids. Right, of course. They're not thinking through how is that gonna impact their kids.

Speaker 2 9:01

Right. So if you have someone that you know and you introduce them in too early in the relationship, and then the relationship doesn't work, and the kids have formed an attachment. And we should talk about these insights come from a community that I moderated for over three years of 470,000 single parents. So it's what I'm doing is is bringing together universal concepts and universal solutions. The general feeling was six months to get to know someone before you introduce them, primarily to avoid kind of messy situations with entanglement and that.

Host Tea 9:37

So the six months is uh coming from the conclusions from all the single parents in the community. And after they've gone through their experiences, they're like, okay, six months is a good period of time to introduce.

Speaker 2 9:50

But they did come up with other ideas to be able to, as we said, that you might want to get together with someone at lunchtime or when the other parent has custody, or you they have a babysitter or some or something like that. And and yes, it is lovely to hang out kind of as a little group, particularly with those ages, because they're they're so fun. There's no question about it. And there was a question about when do you let someone spend the night? Oh, yes. The universal answer to that was never. I can it's facetious. It's meant to say you you you're gonna want to wait again the six months. And it's confusing if you have someone stay over, and there's all sorts of things that happen with kids that could pretty much be unplanned, where they could walk in on you, or somebody could get sick. There's all sorts of things could be very unromantic about that situation. You might have early termination of a relationship over it. Also, some people talked about that their parents had done that to them when they were children. Right. There was enough down votes on that one that I think you have to take.

Host Tea 10:57

Yes, I'm looking at this right now in front of me and in your chapter. There is a big section said, Would you have someone spend a night? And one of the quote from single parent community members said, My mom was a single mom and would do this. I hated it. I used to lay in my bed and cry and felt trapped in my own room. I felt so sad reading that.

Speaker 2 11:23

So did I, yeah. Yeah. You don't always understand the impact of making your own needs met and what they have the effect on, particularly children.

Host Tea 11:32

For this kid, if his mom was not seeing somebody regularly, that's an issue, right? If uh you're seeing somebody regularly, seeing one person in a serious relationship, then that shouldn't be the issue, right? You shouldn't be having feelings like this.

Speaker 2 11:47

I think it's something that Chef definitely should be discussed. Obviously, they are it's uncomfortable. Teenagers are a whole nother set with everything they're going through anyway. Toddler might not recognize the difference between that and anybody else spending night.

Host Tea 12:03

If you have a large house where people are just sleeping at every direction of the rooms, then you don't really run into each other, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 12:12

Yeah. It complicates things when you probably don't want to and the solution's easy enough. I understand. You you get a hotel room. We get a sitter

When Kids Enter The Picture

Speaker 2 12:22

and go out. On the topic of dating being, it's very attractive to date a single parent because they generally have, you know, the maturity that they have to manage the situation they're in. Because as a parent, already they're responsible. Yeah. And I would say to single parents out there who want to date, given that the positive viewpoint that you have and other people, that this is a positive in your direction. Also, some people like the idea of instant family.

Host Tea 12:50

But again, in your chapter 25 romance, you also said most parents do want to find a soulmate, someone to share the joys and burdens of parenthood. We're social people. We like to pair up. The burdens of parenthood to be expected to share. That sounds stressful already.

Speaker 2 13:09

Let's expand that. It's actually not necessary. In fact, most single parents would talk about that they don't want someone to come in and be a step parent. They're not looking for a step parent. What they're looking for is a positive force in their life. And I think that is something that is the right mindset to have with that. Not that you want to replace the partner you had before to do all the parenting. And in fact, a lot of the parents in there did not want someone to overstep, not even to have an opinion on how they're parenting. And certainly not to have an opinion if there's the family dynamics with the other, the other parent if they're around. The thing about parenthood is if you're a single parent, it's lonely. And even if it's this is social interaction is there, it's something that can help counterbalance that. As then that's why I said we're social people.

Host Tea 13:58

I would love to just hear more about you said most parents want to share a soulmate to share the burden of their parenthood.

Speaker 2 14:05

Yeah, they do. And they want to go out and see someone. There are just so many challenges, and we give people options and ways and ideas on how to get around those things, I think. So let's talk more about someone who wants to date a single parent and you and some of the tips around that. You're never the number one priority with this person. The priority is their children. And that is something, if you can get your head around, can help you work in terms of taking the relationship to the next level with them. If you're having a problem with that, the dates might get canceled, or that, you know, there's so many kids' things that have to be attended to, then it's probably not someone you're going to want to date. Is that a type of burden you're referring to? Yeah. It's all about business schedules with kids. Well, it changes, right? There's different ages, different schedules, numbers of kids. It's all variable to that. But there are certain common things, which is being under the the real difference between dating someone that's a single parent is that you're not going to be the priority. And that's hard for a lot of people. And other people are, yeah, I get it. There's just so many other advantages to this person. They're mature, they're dependable, they're steady. But if you can get to that and then start to work forward with it, then that will help you if that's a person you want to.

Host Tea 15:31

So in terms of treating their partner, people they're dating as priority or not, are there differences between men and women?

Speaker 2 15:38

Well, I think there's difference between healthy and not healthy. You really do want someone to make their kids a priority.

Host Tea 15:44

It's good for everybody. Are female single parents are more like treating their kids as a priority as compared to male single parents? Like in terms of when the relationship comes in.

Speaker 2 15:56

Yeah, I did not see that at all, I have to say, either in what I did three years ago or what I looked on recently. You'll be important, you might be a priority. It's gonna be difficult.

Host Tea 16:11

You could be equal priority. Exactly. So I think nobody wants to feel they're less important. I think everything's important. Kids, work, partner, parents, everybody's important. Your kids is special and you have huge responsibility towards your kid. But if because of that you're making your partner feel less important, I think the relationship will really have a hard time to work out.

Speaker 2 16:36

Yes, I I can see that. And I think this is why it's easier to take it over time, because the relationship will grow. Everybody brings something different to a relationship. You want to make sure that what you can bring isn't is going to be valued in the relationship and that your participation in it is going to be able be valued by the other person, that you're going to value them, and you can kind of deal with those things that come up during the day and over the years. But yes, I understand exactly what you're saying. And I and you're perfectly valid.

Host Tea 17:12

What what do you think should be the right conversation to have when you go on a date with a single parent and just to understand this person is going to prioritize his relationship or prioritize his future partner? I think it sounds like it's a really important question to ask at this point. Because you don't want to step into a relationship with a single parent without knowing what's going to happen and how this person's mindset is about how to prioritize, how to balance different relationships.

Speaker 2 17:40

Yeah. You know, T, I think that they don't know either. That's my guess. I am not a dating coach. I'm a researcher. I know I can tell you how people have said that they didn't.

Host Tea 17:51

Yeah, I would say that's a pretty good thing to think over for audience.

Speaker 2 17:57

Yeah, absolutely. And I remember dating a single dad. Oh, you did. And yeah, the dynamics in his relation, he was fresh out of the shoot, too, which is a real problem because he hasn't sort of figured himself out. And I think on the third date, he said, so where do you see this going? It felt like a challenge. Wow. I know. I got a third date. I don't know. I was sure. Was he just a very serious about you? No idea. I have no idea. So where do you see this going? I felt like you wanted to break up with me, to be honest, to get come at me with that question on the third day. And I was just there to like enjoy my dinner. You did it with but no. I did I was completely taken off guard. Yeah, I was I did not, yeah, I'm not really good on my feet, Tea. I gotta think about that.

Host Tea 18:49

Well, I guess we never see him again after the dinner. No. I see.

unknown 18:55

Okay.

Speaker 2 18:56

Nor did he pursue it either. Well, the it is what we talk about and what the what the community talks about and what single parents talk about. The tips to dating them is a gradual involvement. The third date, I kind of didn't think that was too gradual. Other people might think it was.

Host Tea 19:14

He was really looking forward, he had his own timeline finding a wife or finding it for his kids. I think so.

unknown 19:23

I think so.

Speaker 2 19:24

The other the other uh tip that that they give is any pressure from either party to move in together before a year is is a red flag.

Moving In Timelines And Red Flags

Speaker 2 19:35

Like what are they looking for? What do they really want? You know, do you feel comfortable with that? And and that it's trust your gut. Is it for the relationship or for kids? Yeah, it's a question. But why do you why is it that you want to this this person to move in with you and how do you see and all those questions that you just asked?

Host Tea 19:53

Oh, you mean that you mean if you want to move in together, then you have to think hard on the impact on your relationship as well as on your kids.

Speaker 2 20:03

Right. And and it's people are saying we're talking one year. I think that was what I heard over and over again that that decision comes at about the one year. Really? At the Reddit community. Okay, cool, cool, interesting. That's a good number to note. What's the the the year mark without kids that you look at?

Host Tea 20:23

You're asking me. For me, I okay Well, you know, a sample of one is good. I don't see any point of moving until I'm married. That's me. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a good one. But yeah. Do you think we're getting back to that now? Back to the old traditional ways?

unknown 20:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2 20:50

Some people, because you know, I am. You're the expert. You you've you've taught me so much about this this dating bit about online dating and everything. Do you know? Do you do you think that this is like people are courting longer, that they're making sure they're committed?

Host Tea 21:07

Okay, so yes, I do have some thought on that. Because how crazy online dating has turned out to be in the past few years, and especially today, right? People just do meetups and or people on Tinder, they were just hook up, one nice dance, a lot's going on. So our traditional values have been washed away over the years, and now we're facing the most challenging time of finding the right partner. So I think a lot of people start thinking, how I should be dating, what should be the right actions to take when I'm dating someone to be able to have a long term relationship. So I do think there are a group of people that advocates this. However, it's also being challenged. It's different voices, different strategies, and opinions, whether you should move in together or not. I would say from Impression I get is men would often vote for moving in together. They needed to know whether they're sexually compatible or not, to be able to have a relationship, which I totally disagree because to be able to have that sexual compatibility is nothing to do with uh physical. It's a more emotional connection. If you're emotionally connected in deep level, the sex will be great. Yeah, so I don't think that needs to be tested. No trial runs on that one. I just did a whole speech about my personal opinion on this one.

Speaker 2 22:37

I'm sure you hear a lot from your listeners, too. Do they give you feedback on those topics?

Host Tea 22:43

Yes, especially Asian women, we tend to value that more. Than Asian men. Then other cultures.

Speaker 2 22:51

Than all other cultures. Well, you got me in your camp as far as what I'd say, but my opinion doesn't matter. I'm just the person who reads the data and the information.

Pat's Data Driven Single Parent Guide

Host Tea 23:02

I should be asking you, what intrigued you to start doing the work you did on this research about single parents over Raddy Community?

Speaker 2 23:11

Well, I'm a service-minded person. I was a volunteer with the Red Cross for many years. You don't get paid doing that. I always have some volunteer project going on, even as a single parent. And it was something my daughter and I would do together. We'd we'd volunteer and do work with that. And in 21, which was the pandemic slowdown, I had a lot more time. My daughter had gone to university. I said I started poking around and looking things up around single parents and found this community. Why single parents? Because I am one. I see, I see. And I'm on the other side of it, right? My daughter's now a scientist. She's a grown woman. And I felt I had something to contribute to people going through this experience currently. I found this my background had been moderating online communities for corporations and particularly in financial services, which is my background. I went on and I said, Well, can I be a moderator? And I never heard back from them. So I just did it. You know, don't wait, be the change. Great. And what I saw was when I started contributing to the conversations or asking questions, the feedback I got was so overwhelmingly positive. Lots of thumbs up, right? Lots of thumbs up. And what struck me is people didn't have the information that I had, that I had gathered either professionally through my work in financial services or as a management consultant in terms of managing time and money. It these people just didn't have it. And I could make their lives a lot better. And the same questions kept getting coming up over and over again over these three years. And that formed the the basis for this book and how it's divided. The book is actually a reference book. It has not only the community voices, but 130 citations of research that was put into this to discuss things because a lot of conventional wisdom doesn't work for single parents. So we crafted it to work for them. And so I spent three years in it. And then I had so much material I said, well, what am I going to do with all this? And someone in the community asked, Where can I read about being a single parent? And I went to look, right? And there was nothing. Wow, that's there's memoirs. Memoirs. There's celebrities, there's people talking about divorcing narcissists, but there's no fact-based reference. Wow, wow. And that was my to provide this book. I also want to change the conversation around single parents. Wow. And by the way, you talked about your culture. When you look at the demographic bake breakout, the Asian American community has the lowest incident of single parenting. That's a good news, right? So yeah.

Host Tea 26:01

Well, that's really interesting information. Yeah.

Speaker 2 26:05

Yeah. So you can you can get it. Go online, look up the United States Census Bureau data, and you can see it for yourself. They are also had the highest form of community support in terms of family support. Intergenerational households, sort of the African American community, you could see that. However, most single parents, number wise in the United States, are white.

Host Tea 26:28

Yeah. So I do have a personal story to share right here, just to respond to what you just said. I have a younger brother and, you know, he married for years and he has two kids. Awesome. His marriage also went through up and downs, right? Everybody does. So and my parents really, really helped, supported their marriage. And when they're on the edge of getting divorced, they really chopped in and providing all kind of support they could, either to the kids or financial support on some area, you know, hiring nannies for them. So make her life easier, so she's not stressed out all the time. They just did everything and also, you know, have conversations with my brother. So my parents was super involved in making sure they can hold on to each other because they really do love each other. And was that here in uh No, no, it's back in China. So now their marriage is much better. They have gone through that phase. I think my parents really contribute a lot to that success.

Speaker 2 27:36

It sounds like they provided a lot of external support that reduces the stress in the relationship.

Host Tea 27:41

Your parents are And my parents give them a lot of room emotionally, you know, just yeah, help as needed. Good job, parents. That's good to know that data about Asian community.

Speaker 2 27:54

Yeah, it's well, it's very tight too. I mean, you know, I'm not a sociologist, but it goes without saying. But you did mention one thing that brought to mind the advice if you want to date a single parent is to stay out of the family dynamics. Oh, yeah, definitely. That's totally valid. I can totally resonate with that. It's true. And trying to find a bad guy in the ex-partner or whatever, it just it's not gonna take the relationship forward. It's not gonna move the situation forward. There's one young fellow that I talk to at the gym a lot, and he married a single mom, and the dad has custody, actually. It's a school choice thing where your kid's gonna go to school. And there was something came up on this one, and he was all stressed because he's, you know, very conscientious stepdad. And I said, Do you know what, Chris? You don't have to be the smartest guy in the room on this one. Those two can work it out and you can support the process.

Host Tea 28:52

You don't have to fix Doug. Doug will fix himself. Appreciated

Online Dating Safety For Single Parents

Host Tea 28:56

that. I also dig some data, and I don't know if it's gonna surprise you or not. Let me share. Okay. I want to I got my pen ready. I found out their data showed on Match.com has 59% online daters are single parents. More than half are single parents at dating on Match.com.

Speaker 2 29:15

Because it works for them as a venue, right? It's a lot of reasons. People are single because of death, because of divorce, because of abandonment, and because of choice. So there's lots of lots of reasons for that. But what surprises me is there's 59% that are willing to say that they're a single parent. Because, you know, there's some problems with people who target single moms.

Host Tea 29:38

You also mentioned that in the book is there's a lot of uh bad intention targeting that. Well, it's the internet.

Speaker 2 29:45

It's the internet. So they you should do your research. Yeah. If you go in there, there were ways that people checked out the person talking to them and could see if they were real or fake. Didn't know you could do those things. I was pleasantly surprised to be educated on how you can check out whether somebody really is who they say they are.

Host Tea 30:05

So in your book, chapter 24, there's something you said about this. You said this is the number one reason single mothers avoid dating.

Speaker 2 30:14

It is when you ask them why they don't date, that comes up as the first one. They're afraid. And, you know, do you want to get to know this person and bring them into your family? You know, you had a rough go of it the first time and maybe you don't trust your judgment or whatever. Um, and it's hard. On the other hand, online dating, if you can, you know, keep yourself safe, like you just discussed, is a great place for you to talk to people and socialize with people without crossing the Rubicon, as we say there, into meeting or whatever. You can you can stay in the meeting, chatting, flirting stage for a while till you start to feel comfortable. Of course, it could be now, it could be an AI person on the other end. You have no idea.

Ten Practical Tips For New Partners

Host Tea 31:00

So earlier you mentioned that today you're gonna bring 10 advices to people who might or dating single parents. Want to.

Speaker 2 31:09

Well, it takes maturity to sit with someone else's issues, right? Whether they're positive or negative, right? It does. It does. For now, for now, you're not the priority. So that's number one. I know. And the second one, you're really gonna hate. Be patient and flexible. But I know you're a patient person. You're a very patient person. You'll you'll get into the groove, you'll figure it out. And if there's 59%, you have a pretty good chance you're gonna meet someone who has kids. Yeah. Assume parenting competence. People don't want to be given advice on how to parent from somebody, anybody in any situation. And particularly the men are sensitive to this, the ones who have custody of their children. So to be able to just assume they're competent. And nobody likes to be given advice. So uh number four is start by focusing on you two, right? Just the two of you. Oh, focusing on your relationship more. Yeah, the two of you getting to know each other, going out for lunches if you manage it, dinner if you can. Also takes away the stress from single parenting, right? Yes. It is really nice not to have to it's kind of a joke that you go out to have date night and then you end up talking about the kids all the time. Number five is expect a gradual involvement with the family. We talked about you you'll meet them after six months, that you slowly get to know them, they get to know you. Any pressure to move in together before a year is a red flag. Red flag. Right. And for the person who doesn't have kids. I see. Yeah. It's like, why are we moving this fast? Right. That that's a red flag. And this is what the advice from the people in the community We talked about staying out of the ex-partner dynamics. You don't know what's going on on the other side. You you know, you hear one side of it. Generally, this book talks about we're all imperfect. And you're imp you're imperfect, your kids are imperfect, your exes are imperfect. You know, and expecting people to behave exactly as you would like them to behave is kind of a fool's errand because people don't, and things go wrong, things happen. So just to chill and give more oh wells and maybe understand what's going on versus jumping to judgment, more understanding than judgments. Yeah, yeah. And in expectations in the first couple months of dating, don't have any. Great, great advice. It's just probably general. Yeah. Why why tell me why? Can't get disappointed.

Host Tea 33:51

And expecting it's just not good in general.

Speaker 2 33:55

Yeah, That's true. We talked about if you're meeting someone online, talk for a while before actually meeting in person.

Host Tea 34:02

Taking longer time to meet them or slowing down in person. Both.

Speaker 2 34:08

Can you explain more why why people think that you should take your time before you actually meet a person in person? Yeah. Well, if you want to date a single person to parent, that's the tips that we're going through now. They're saying it's okay if you want to date a single parent, not to have to meet them right away, is what they're saying. You can stay in the con be prepared to stay in the conversation for a bit. Because single parents might be too busy to meet you. Might be too busy, or they might be a little gun-shy.

Host Tea 34:42

Or the things you've told me about online dating, I send you. I see. I just like to be more understanding, like they have concerns.

Speaker 2 34:52

Oh, let them get to know you.

Host Tea 34:53

Let them get to know you. Okay. That makes sense. So if someone listening right now is interested in dating a single parent but feels unsure about what they're stepping into, what is one question they should ask themselves before starting that relationship? I think that there's a book that is really helpful for this.

Speaker 2 35:15

It's a book by a fellow named Warren Berger. And it's called The Book of Beautiful Questions. And it has a whole section on questions to ask to get to know someone better. And questions to ask to know yourself better. I think that I think asking questions and really listening for the responses is it can't be be whether you're in person or virtual. You know, it's they're not it's not an an interrogation, it's more open questions. Awesome. Of something like that. Yeah, I highly recommend him. He calls himself a questionnologist.

Host Tea 35:54

Great. Thank you so much, Pat. Well, thank you. It was great chat.

Takeaways And How To Support Show

Host Tea 35:59

Thanks for listening to today's episode. Dating a single parent can raise a lot of questions about timing, priorities, and what a relationship really looks like when kids are part of the picture. But as we heard today, in many ways, they force people to communicate better, be clear about their intentions, and think more deeply about what they actually want. So here are three takeaways from today's conversation. Number one, dating a single parent often requires more patience and flexibility. Two, meeting the kids is a big step, and timing matters more than most people realize. Three, perhaps most importantly, healthy relationships form when everyone understands their role and respects the priorities involved. If you ever dated a single parent or considered it, this episode hopefully gives you a little more clarity. If you enjoyed this conversation, be sure to subscribe, leave a rating or review, and of course, share with a friend. These simple gestures really help the podcast so much. And I appreciate your support. Check out the show notes for the links to the books. Apply to be a guest on this show. Thank you again for tuning in to this episode of The Dating Chit. I'm your host, Tea. Until next time, keep showing up. Stay kind. Stay curious, and never settle for less than the love you truly deserve. P. One quick note for transparency some recommendations from the show include Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to use them, it supports a podcast at no extra cost to you. See you in the next episode.